My parents got together at a very young age and unexpectedly ended up with a child on the way…they were only married for 4 years before they decided to go their separate ways. They would scream vitriol over the top of me at each other, all the while unknowingly spilling that hate, rage, and frustration into me. By the time I was 7 years old, I had decided I had enough and attempted to take my own life… these attempts continued on and off for the next 6 years to varying degrees.

By energetically attempting to jump ship, spiritually screaming to be released from my Earthly chains, I believe I opened a door to a different world. I started seeing and hearing spirits and I thought I was INSANE. I stopped seeing the ghosts as youth left me but never stopped hearing them in my mind; this perspective did not change until 2020. I spent those years actively pushing those voices down believing them to be intrusive thoughts and living in misery.

After these early attempts, I was placed under close supervision and regularly attended mandatory therapy. Though I do believe that starting therapy this young taught me skills that helped me see the value of my life, I never FELT any better. I learned endless journal prompts and techniques to curb my “intrusive thoughts” and quell the worst of my anger but it was still eating me up inside. I was diagnosed with depression then anxiety then bipolar disorder; the list of -isms I received was long and continually growing or transforming. I was not popular with my peers to say the least, I felt so lonely and trapped.

Art was the only place I felt true joy; the only place I felt like I could really breathe…

I am without question an artist through and through. Even from a young age, I loved to sing, draw, paint, make pottery; whatever I could get my hands on! We were pretty poor when I was young and didn’t have a lot so I really would make art out of anything I could find. I was in love with music the most though, I had this Little Mermaid tape deck and karaoke machine I would carry around on my hip with me EVERYwhere. I would use it to sing my daily adventures and create sound tracks to others’ exploits as well. If I could speak it, I could sing it!

I ran with this passion and over the years I have accumulated a Bachelor of Science in Music Media Production, Bachelor of Music in Vocal Performance, and Master of Music in Vocal Performance. I have worked to learn music theory, music history, art history, music pedagogy, song-writing, music recording, lighting design, set design, stage management, house management… the list goes on and on. Music and art continued to be a place of expansion and healing in my life!

As I got older, my list of traumas continued to expand. Parental abuse, bulimia, and multiple sexual assaults piled on top of my growing list. I experienced an armed robbery at my job at JCPenny and a domestic abuse situation in my romantic life. Friends being purged from my life left and right for reasons that were well outside my control. I felt like I was spiraling and life was just piling more and more on my plate. I was having uncontrollable emotional reactions and panic attacks due to the extreme traumas I had experienced throughout the years. I later found out I was actually suffering from PTSD.

I had a therapist introduce me to EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, and it changed my life. After about the third session, I knew EMDR was going to be different than the CBT talk therapy I had engaged with in the past. Using bilateral stimulation during trauma processing, EMDR therapy allows one to slowly reconnect the midbrain - our emotions center - with the prefrontal cortex - our executive function and sense of self. When that connection is restored, we are able to process some of the deeply buried emotions associated with our traumas. You must relive the traumas to process them so it is difficult, heavy, mentally exhausting work. This shit is definitely not for the faint of heart but it allowed me to take the intellectual knowledge I had been building up for years and finally apply it to my emotional body. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was driving the ship of my emotions. We were releasing and changing the stuck emotions I had been experiencing for years. I was finally in charge!

I began to practice magic around this time period, starting with Tarot. Having done extensive trauma work already, I also dove into shadow work with no abandon. I dug into reacquainting myself with my inner child and giving her the love she deserves. This time period was one of adventure and exploration for me!

While living in Colorado, I learned the value of our connection to nature. Steeped in some of the most breathtaking views I have ever seen, I was able to see the majesty of Divinity in some of its grandest glory. Inspired by the beauty of the Divine, I continued to dig into my practice. I set up my first altar giving thanks to my ancestors, my faery guides, and the beautiful natural energies that were flowing around and through me. I learned of divine masculine and feminine energies and how those things both presented within myself. I was doing full blown readings for myself and smaller 3-5 card pulls for my friends just for fun - I was swimming in the magic. This is also when the voices in my head were finally able to be recognized as what they were, spirits. I began speaking to the spirits that had been congregating around me for years. The more I actually listened and worked through their issues, the quieter my mind became.

After living in my mom’s garage for about 3 months in 2021, I moved to Chicago. One of the partners I met during this time turned out to be a diamond in the rough. A self-taught bass player from Chicago suburbs, DC had built a thriving community for himself after leaving the Jehovah’s Witness cult. He taught me to feel the same freedom in music that he had felt for years. DC wasn’t just a musician though, he was also a magic practitioner and esoteric philosopher! He encouraged me to grow in my own knowledge as well and create my own community of enlightened beings full of love. 

My life continues to be unstable but I am being pushed into something better now. I lost my corporate job in September 2023 and I still don’t have a steady source of income, over a year later; I have applied to hundreds of jobs with next to no response. In the same year, my car was stolen AND my partner also lost his job too. It has definitely been difficult to manage but I am beginning to see it as a blessing. I have been granted the opportunity to dig within and heal some of these wounds. By healing these wounds and growing past this part of my life, I believe I will not only fix my own life but help able to countless others. 

I want to help people, my soul is called to do so. Artists Roots will be a place where I can do this! Artists Roots is my business, named back in 2020 the first time I realized the importance of a fully rounded artist. At the time, I taught piano and voice lessons that were heart-led and less traditionally structured. It was no longer about learning to read and write music and I had begun to focus on the need for music for our emotional regulation and self expression. Excellence in music is always encouraged but it stopped being the focus of my work. I am seeing that shift even farther now as I continue to step into my power and grow in my own faith and magic.

I have always believed that art helped me but I didn’t realize the profound effect it could have on the human psyche until relatively recently. Music stimulates the limbic system, the part of our brain that is responsible for our emotions and behaviors - particularly behaviors of the survival mind. When we experience trauma, the feelings and emotions associated with that moment are imprinted on the same part of our brain, the limbic system. So by engaging with music, we are actually stimulating the part of our brain that stores trauma and repressed emotions. By using this connection, we channel trapped emotions into music and release blockages that are holding us back from the things we want in our lives. 

Artists Roots is transforming to a place of healing through music; a place to come and turn your blocked emotions into art; a place to dig deep uncovering the inner artist and unlock our authentic voice. I will continue to offer services like voice and piano lessons, recording set-up consultations, song-writing coaching, etc. I want to continue to help artists grow in their craft but my focus will expand to include healing workshops and one-on-one inner artist work, things that allow us to dig deeper and unearth our authentic selves and get acquainted with our inner child. I want to help others use music and magic to release and heal from their traumas, the same way I have done for years and continue to do. I want to see a world where artists are healed and creating with freedom, not confined and drowning in their trauma. 

As Chicago has given me so many lessons and opportunities for healing and growth, I want to try to give back. My partner DC and I have come together to create a community for artists by artists - a safe place for us to be ourselves and expand our lives together. We are creating a community where we can grieve, process, heal, and grow together. By building bonds with others in our community, we can help lift EVERYONE up and release the pressure off the individual. We are offering sliding scale community healing workshops designed to be accessible to all levels of socio-economic status and monthly co-creation sessions at Haz where artists can come together to create in tandem. 

I realize now that anyone can change the world. As we change ourselves, we change the environment and the people around us. As those things change, that energy ripples out and creates communities of change. Together growing, supporting one another in the process. I am so grateful to Spirit for showing me the path I was seeking… I hope I can walk it faithfully and bring much needed balance into this world. If you made it this far, know that I appreciate you more than you can imagine. I love you and can’t wait to see what world we can unearth together!